you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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