Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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