i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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