no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
