I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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