she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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