No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
