I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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