Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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