it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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