I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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