i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
