If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
