You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
