end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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