i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
