Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
