Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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