i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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