I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
