Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
