mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
