she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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