I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have aggressive nipples.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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