There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
