I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
