i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
