Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
