Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
