I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
