I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
