He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
