i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
