Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
