I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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