Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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