They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
