haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
