I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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