What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
