i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
