Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
