Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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