Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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