Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
