She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
