i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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