he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
