True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
