what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
