guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
