i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we made out on top of his cat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
