What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
