Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
