the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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