just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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