I hope mine doesn't look like that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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