this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
