You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
