i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize