i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Enjoy the penises
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
