Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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