Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
