if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
