It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
