Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
