The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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