we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
