I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
