can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
