The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
