Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize