So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
