It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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