Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize