I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
