Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize