u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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