im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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