if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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