i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you never un-have a 4some
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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