I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
