he thought i was a dude.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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