I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
