youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
