my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
