Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
