Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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