I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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