i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
