Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'd cum for enchiladas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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