great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
