oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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