Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
