So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
