Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize