well you can't waste a boner
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
