Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
