What a fucking waste of an outfit
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
