you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize