Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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